I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. It sounds like you’re going through a painful time, and your safety and wellbeing are the most important things right now.
If you feel you might act on these thoughts or are in immediate danger, please call emergency services (for example, 112 in many countries) or go to your nearest emergency department.
You can also reach out right now for confidential help:
— Russia:
౼ Telefon доверия «Дети онлайн» – 8 800 2000 122 (free, 24/7)
⎻ Служба психологической помощи «Спасение» – 8 800 2000 122
౼ Crisis Text Line (via WhatsApp): +7 -95 988 44 44
— International:
⎻ Find a local crisis centre at the International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
౼ Befrienders Worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org/
౼ Or look up a helpline in your country at https://findahelpline.com
You deserve support and there are people who want to help you right now. Please consider reaching out—you don’t have to face this alone. If you can, let a trusted friend, family member, or counselor know what you’re experiencing. Your life matters.